Ordinary Miracles

I set my Beloved free and found out my Beloved was me…

Fulfillment often comes in unexpected ways and through means we never imagined.  It comes as a grace of paradox and benevolent mystery.  It comes through back doors or cracked windows when we aren’t paying attention or when we least expect it. It sometimes comes in ways that generously and stealthily trick us into our own happiness.  Such is my soul story.

Throughout my life, I have felt a deep and profound longing to experience oneness with Spirit, heaven on earth, union with the beloved.  The heartbreak and heart healing of my life has been orchestrated by the ache of deep calling to deep, my own integrity calling me to live in alignment with who I truly am.  That meant and often still means changes that break my heart as I make them, but those choices also lead me into the sweet spot of living my path and of healing.

For as long as I can remember and perhaps like many of you reading this, I have been aware of a longing to return “home” ….to a place my heart remembers but my mind has forgotten.  I have longed for a home that seemed somewhere else, but in truth was within me.  I have longed to enjoy the relationship with myself that I have mostly looked to others to supply for me (yes, it is appropriate now to pause to send all my relationship volunteers your support because I can be very intense).

Intimate relationships have been my fast track to growth, as they are for many people. From my current perspective I rather suck at them.  Yet, they have served their purpose.  Relationships open me with the precision and intensity of a divine scalpel.  They provide the context for me to trigger into my unhealed patterns and take back the parts of myself wanting to return home to my heart.  They are the in-my-face mirror of my own unconsciousness.  They have also been a place of unsurpassed joy, belonging, acceptance, love, and healing as well.

Honestly, my path has been tough for me emotionally.  So tough emotionally that there have been many times I have begged the powers that be to take me home, to release me from my earthly experience. I have often struggled greatly to care for myself from this place of low self-worth.  I begged for healing but it seemed so slow.  I worked and worked on myself, but the patterns seemed unyielding.  I have been forced by the depth of my emotional pain and it’s unyielding nature to find a new way to relate to pain, to myself, to Spirit and to others.

Eventually and inevitably, we do the thing we thought we could never do and, in the end, it feels effortless and ordinary because we have become the person who could do it.  We feel the thing we thought we could never feel, we are the person we thought we could never become, we have the experiences we thought we could never have.

In the last year, this inevitability has happened upon me.  I have had the most remarkable quiet miracle show up in my experience.  It snuck in, little by little over time, perhaps while I have been sleeping and in-between thoughts and breadths.  Spirit answered my prayer to go home, but not by taking my earthly life from me. Spirit’s answer to my cries and work was to reunite me with myself.   In the reUnion with myself, I found reUnion with Spirit.

Somehow, and in a way I don’t fully understand, I have become my own Beloved.  Now, I can close my eyes, and walk the well worn path to ‘home’ that I have longed my whole lifetime to discover.  The path IS there now.  I DO know the trail.  I finally know where it leads.  This trail of tears and longing and commitment has led me home into my own unique essence in the company of Beings so beautiful that my cup gush-ith over.

Sometimes, we can only feel the trail home, rather then see it when the fog of confusion is thick and blinds our minds. In this place of ‘fog walking‘, we learn to trust the pulsing, aching response of our own hearts to some deep call that guides us as we put one foot in front of the other on our paths towards our fulfillment.

Then, on one ordinary morning, between sips of coffee and getting ready for work, between feeding the dogs and brushing our teeth, an ordinary miracle shows up in such an ordinary way, that we giggle and say…’oh there you are.  I’ve been waiting for you.  I knew you were coming” as our hearts flood with the rivers of gratitude that perfect understanding brings.

Happy trails trailmates.

All my love,
Mary

The Art of Living by Heart: The Power of Fierce Love

Before becoming a personal transformation coach, I worked as a registered nurse for 26 years.  One day while working as an ER nurse, I witnessed the power of a mother’s fierce love.  A hispanic couple, hysterical with panic, came running into the ER carrying their precious lifeless baby girl.  The ER team quickly responded and vigorously worked on resuscitating the child for an hour and a half while the parents stood by, holding onto each other and crying helplessly.  Nothing worked.  We were all heartbroken.  There is nothing like the agonizing grief of parents who lose a child.  The team called the time of death, bringing an end to the medical team’s efforts to revive the child.

Then, the unexpected happened.  The mother, who had been watching in agonizing helplessness as her baby’s life slipped away, started doing CPR on her baby with her own two hands.  Something inside her powerful mother’s heart would not accept the outcome.  With some unexplainable force of love, she reached into the very heart of her baby and her baby’s heart started beating.  The team flew back into action.

Even though the sad reality was that the baby had experienced brain damage incompatible with life by this time, somewhere from the depths of her being, this little girl’s body and soul still responded to the call of her mother’s fierce love.  The baby was put on life support as this precious family was given more time to come to terms with the loss of their baby girl.

Perhaps this precious baby girl’s soul wanted her mother to know herself as the fierce lover she was?  Perhaps it took this experience for this mother to know her own loving power?  Perhaps the baby was actually reviving the mother?

Fierce, loving connection is the most powerful force on earth.  In moments of fierce love, we lift cars off loved one’s with strength we didn’t know we possessed. We reach into the heart’s of our children with an authority only Love possesses. We touch and are touched by the fierce love that recognizes no boundary, not even of death.

During private moments when my heart’s ancient pain overwhelms me with mysterious experiences that feel like emotional suicide, I remember the power of Fierce Love and call upon it to revive me. I call upon the Fierce Love that reaches through all density, darkness, despair and hopelessness to touch me in the secret buried place that seems to have died yet longs to live…and …my heart…starts….once again….to beat…with…Hope.